Learnings from Parenthood V

Some basic rules to deal with babies and their parents

All babies under age 1 are cute. ( by definition)

1. If you find a baby who is not exactly cute….refer to Rule 1.


2. Number of “U” s in “Cuuute” can be used to impress baby’s parents about how much you appreciate the baby. The number of U s is directly proportional to your appreciation of baby.


3. Some words can be pronounced wrongly to create an impression that you are really impressed with the baby. Eg “So sweet” will create a moderate effect about what you feel about the baby. But for special effect same words can be pronounced as “Chooo chweet”.


4. Rule 3 applies to “O” s in Cho and “E” s in chweet.


5. These sounds can be used to impress only the parents, babies don’t understand them anyway.


6. All babies are intelligent till age of 1. Parents are genuinely impressed by each action baby makes with her hand, legs or any undescribable sound that the baby makes. Never trivialize these actions.


7. Meaningless blabbering of the baby triggers certain chemicals in right brains of the parents that make them creative. Somehow all parents are able to interpret the blabbering of the kids in a perfectly meaningful way which may bear no resemblance to reality.


8. Then you will wonder if all of us born with same intelligence level till age 1, why do we see people of different intelligence levels around us. It can be explained by Rule 7 which states that similar to Newton’s law of cooling babies start losing their intelligence due to dumbness of grown ups around them. The rate of loss of intelligence is directly proportional to the square of difference between intelligence of the baby and grown-ups around her.


9. This process continues till equlibrium is achieved.

Rules for answering most popular FAQ : Whom does the baby look like the father or the mother?

Popular misconceptions : Most people believe that to answer the question who have to look at the baby study his face or features match them with that of father’s or mother’s and then answer the question. Most of those who take this approach, keep observing the baby and never reach any conclusion and land up annoying the parents. It is not necessary that the answer should bear any resemblance to the reality or looks of the baby. This question should be answered to make the parent happy.

Following illustration would make this point clearer.

Girlfriend : Am I looking fat?

Novice Boyfriend : ummm….let me see….turnaround…I don’t think so. (You can be sure that such a boyfriend is heading for a break-up)

Girlfriends : Am I looking fat?

Experienced Boyfriend : No. (for better results No should be pronounced even before the question si completed) not at all.

(The answer does not depend on fatness of the girlfriend at all. The answer is NO by definition and No has to be said in a very convincing and sponteneous manner)

Please follow the rules to answer MPFAQ

Rule 1 : If you know the father more than the mother then the answer is “Baby resembles the father”

Rule 2 : If you know the mother more than the father the answer is “Baby resembles the mother”

Rule 3 : If you know both of them equally the answer is “ummm…baby looks a bit like both of you” (For better results you can add difficult to verify comments like  “chin resemble XXXX” or “side profile looks like YYY”)

Rule 4 : If you don’t know both of them that well then the answer is “Baby resembles the father” (Your natural curiousity will force you to ask the question “Why should benefit of doubt go to father” Answer is Mother knows, father believes)

Learnings of Parenthood III

After an overwhelming response to “Learnings of Parenthood part I and II” we are pleased to present the sequel part III. This is summary of learnings in first 4 months of parenting. Any resemblance to your experiences of parenting is not completely coincidental.

Different Perspectives

Biggest learning after first 4 months can be summarized by an HSBC ad. It is a completely different way of looking at the baby. Different perspectives govern actions of different parents.

Mothers Point of View

(all intellectual property rights acknowledged. This article has no commercial value hence no royalty charges are payable)

Father’s Point of View

This difference in perspective brings in a whole new way of looking at things. Faster you learn this better is your married life.

Baby’s Crying

This is perhaps the most noticeable, most feared but often underestimated activity baby performs. One tends to get carried away by decible levels and physical manifestation of it. I have learnt that there are 3 phases in babies crying

1. Crisis phase : Babies often commence crying in this phase, It is characterised by high pitch, shouting like sounds and vigorous movements of hands and legs. Babies close their eyes and high decible level that they create ensures that they are not able to hear anything else. They tend to get into an endless If-then loop. (If you hear crying, then cry even more loudly….thats the only thing they can hear).

Impact on Parents : When parents are exposed to this phase their body starts secreting certain harmones that energizes them and improves their concentration by dampening distractions. They drive away any sleep or feeling of tiredness. It helps them to face the next phase boldly without panic.

2. Challenge the Paradigm Phase : After a while babies feel tired and they reduce the decible levels to check if parents have identified the problem and whether any solution is proposed. If none of this is true then they create even higher pitched sounds and change their skin color to either red or purple or their favorite color.

Impact on Parents: Exposure to this oscilating high decible sounds seems to trigger a lot of harmones in right brain. These are often termed as creative juices. Parents often start getting bright ideas at a speed of several dozen per minute. That trigger left brain who commences implementation without bothering to check whether it makes sense or not. This phase is very important for the parents who are keen on challenging their abilities. There are cases when parents have been able perform singing, dancing, creating undescribable sounds, holding babies in positions that none has ever thought of. The possibilities here are endless. Parents tend to reinvent themselves in this phase.

3. Reward Phase : Babies tend to be in the previous phase till they find a satisfactory solution or distraction to their problem. Parents with sharp learning curves tend to reach this phase faster and faster. Babies start making descending crying noises and often smile amidst crying. Some scientist think that such actions are involuntary but we think that this smiling amidst crying is designed to reset the harmone levels among distressed parents faster. We are still conducting experiments to determine whether parents laughter is contributed majorly by babies actions or they are actually laughing at the solution that they proposed to baby which got accepted.

Things to remember

• Every crying has an end.


• The end lies either in a solution (if you ever believe you have found one) or designing suitable distraction


• Probability of finding distraction >> probability of finding a solution


• You don’t necessarily have to know the problem to find a solution


• Babies still don’t know law of marginal utility. So, if something works keep employing the same solution. You will be surprised with the results.


• Babies tend to follow inverted bell-shaped curves for their problems. Probability of problems occuring at either ends is more than 3-sigma. Most problems are either input or output problems.

Types of Cars and Parents

Singapore has a concept of weekend car. These type of cars are allowed to run on roads after 7 PM on weekdays and on weekends only. These cars are 30% cheaper than normal cars. Babies quickly figure out that their fathers are like weekend cars and mothers are like normal cars. They are also able to assign appropriate valuation fairly quickly.

Learn or Unlearn?

We often tend to think that we are born first and babies are borne later hence we are smarter, more intelligent hence babies need to learn from us. But this not necessarily true. Babies have far better abilities than us. If you think otherwise, please try following

• Try to influence actions of each and every individual in the household 24X7 without uttering a single word and making “gggrrrlll” “ooooo” “bbbbaaaaa” sounds.


• A baby can stare at the most scantily dressed co-traveller, smile at her, wink at her and still get a kiss in return. Want to give it a shot? Even females are welcome to try this.


• Try to communicate each emotion just through body language without using words


• Try this. Lie down on the floor face up. Raise your left leg up vertically, hold it with your right hand and pull it hard to put the toe in your mouth. And Smile.


• Have your meal while you are completely asleep.


• Hold you both legs up and perform cycling action for 15 minutes continuously, take break for a couple of minutes and then do it for 20 minutes more.


• Cry loudly till skin color changes to red / purple. Smile in between and cry again.

Conclusion: Babies have far superior physical, emotional and leadership skills. We try our best to help them unlearn these skills so that they become inferior to us and we can manage them. We term this process as “parenting”

Learnings from Parenthood IV

Try to answer this question.

What would you be more rather happy with?

A. A decision where you have a lot of choices, you have a chance to test them out, take your time for making decision, you have a chance to consult your friends and family and discuss your decision and then you make the decision only when you are convinced.

B. You have no choice whatsoever in decision making and the decision is just thrust upon you, without asking you what you want.

Most of you would answer A, right? Well think again.

Worldover men and women spend a lot of time and energy in selecting their life partners. Men learn to be confident, funny, cool, smart, caring, supportive, well groomed, tidy, kind, thoughtful, gentle, helpful, considerate, loving, warm, compassionate, loyal, witty, responsible, committed, dependable, reliable just to name a few. Girls on the other hand learn to ignore or adjust to his forgetfulness, untidyness, distractions caused by other “places of interest”, obsession for his favorite sports, his favorite female colleague, dancing to his own rhythm, relunctance to commit etc. etc. Both of them learn to retain this behaviour till they convince each other they are the right match. Then they go thru a long process of convincing theselves about it. When they are convinced that they have nothing more left to do, they say “I do”. Depending on which part of world you stay, this can take anywhere between 6 months to 10 years and 1 to 100 iterations of the same process. In Asian cultures, parents, frinds and families also get involved. It is a seriously high involvement, long drawn process.

Still divorce rates world over are increasing. In relatively conservative countries like India the rates are touching doble digits. For more liberated and open western countries, according to a statistician number of divorces are slightly higher than marriages. (Ya that was exaggeration!). Cheating on spouse is even more rampant. They say in US, 50% spouses cheat, so if it is not you then it is your spouse. (This not exaggeration!).

What does this show? People take a long time, deliberate to take the most important decisions life and still are not happy about it or not convinced enough about it.

Now picture this!

A couple gets pregnant. Sometimes planned, sometimes unplanned. They first learn about it thru’ an external test and rush to doctor to confirm it. They have no clue that they have done what they planned or not planned. They have no control over what the baby should look like, talk like, walk like, be like or should be a boy or a girl. They first get to see on ultrasound screen, the doctor shows the face, the hands, the limbs and invariably the couple explains “Wow its so beautiful!!!”. Here I must mention that according to another study 72.3867% couples are not looking at baby at all; 80.87456% couples can not comprehend whether the black portion is supposed to be the baby or white portion and 90.873454% of the couples believe that when they look at the baby, she should at least say hello to them. The baby makes her presence felt by kicking mostly. More she kicks, more mom feels happy. If baby is powerful enough she can even kick the father or anyone who strays near the mom’s tummy. But that makes father overjoyed and proud of his creation. Baby arrives in this world when mom is either under anaesthecia or is screaming and shouting in pain and the father is worried. Still she comes and changes everything. She cries and sleeps mostly but fills air with certain optimism and love for life. It brings out the best of emotions in parents. “she is so cuuuute” everyone exclaims, irrespective of how the baby looks.

All parents love their babies. They don’t divorce their babies nor do they cheat on them. They don’t even fight with babies or get upset with them.

So, two most important decisions a person makes in life one completely thought thru’ another one completely thrust upon him/her and later one turns out to be more satisfying one.

Inference : If you want to happy don’t marry just make babies!!!

“Toyota Way” to “Tiger Way”

How long does it take for a person or a company to fall from Iconic, invincible, impregnable position to a bottomless pit? Well, ask Tiger Woods about it. Better still ask Toyota.

Tiger and Toyota had the iconic status in their own fields. In public eye they had a Midas Touch. They could do nothing wrong. What happened from Nov 2009 to Feb 2010 would enter history books as the most astonishing reversal of fortunes. There is something remarkably similar about both of them.

For starters, both of them rose to their iconic status riding on meticulous planning, strong performance and painstaking efforts. The world knows the rise of Tiger from the child prodigy to world’s best paid and the most admired athlete. He started playing golf at the age of 2. At the age of 3, he shot a 48 over nine holes in California to the bewilderment of the onlookers and appeared in Golf digest at the age of 5. Golf digest estimates that Tiger would have made about $770 million by 2007 and by 2011 he would cross $1billion of earnings. Phenomenal feat by any standards!!! Toyota started off as an offshoot of Toyoda Loom Works way back in 1930s. The “Toyota Way” puts the customer first and advocates continuous improvement. The company believes in being closer to the customers and building cars that they need. They saw something in American customers’ eyes in 1980s which the local companies failed to see and act on till turn of the century; compact, fuel efficient, reliable and affordable cars. From 1980s where it was selling just 6 models and had a market share of mere 6%, by 2008 Toyota became the largest car company in the world leaving GM behind by miles. Before the financial crisis hit the markets, Toyota was also the most profitable automotive company.

Both of them rose to their position in a remarkably understated fashion. Although, Tiger is considered the most gifted golfer of all times, “caution” forms the core of his game. Wikipedia writes about Tiger Woods   “While Woods is considered one of the most charismatic figures in golfing history; his approach is, at its core, cautious. He aims for consistency. Although he is better than any other Tour player when he is in top form, his dominance comes not from regularly posting extremely low rounds, but instead from avoiding bad rounds. He plays fewer tournaments than most professionals (15–21 per year, compared to the typical 25–30), and focuses his efforts on preparing for (and peaking at) the majors and the most prestigious of the other tournaments. His manner off the course is cautious as well, as he carries himself in interviews and public appearances with a carefully controlled demeanor reminiscent of the corporate athlete persona developed between Nike and Michael Jordan.^[123]”

Toyota, too, has its own unique style of leading the market. There are no aggressive messages or path breaking styles or out of the world communication messages. The focus is on getting basic things right, understanding customer requirements, producing a product that they need, maintaining the quality, bringing in efficiency to keep the cost low. Simple! There is neither any eagerness to claim the market leader position nor they have any aggressive messages to the competitors. It is also rumored that Toyota could have easily become the no. 1 car maker in the world 1 year earlier (in 2007 against 2008). But they deliberately chose to sell slightly under GM to avoid backlash. Unusual for a leader!

It was this reluctance to claim the top position or showing caution when the victory is insight set these two apart from rest of the world. This added tremendously to their public image and perceptions. They always came across as mature, down to earth yet “gifted” and divine. Success did not get into their heads and they handled rough with the smooth, easily.

There was only one problem. Infidelity was brewing in the center, away from public eye and scrutiny. The relationship that Trust has with Marriage is the same relationship Safety has with Cars. You get only once chance. If broken, it does not exist anymore. What caused infidelity was not a casual affair was a systematic failure of the relationship.

Remarkably, both of them made PR blunders even after the problems were public. For a long time, they just avoided looking at the media in the eye and saying sorry. What the fans and customers heard looked like the tip of the iceberg and they wanted their heroes to come out clean on whatever they knew. Unfortunately, “caution” got in the way and both of them just eluded media scrutiny as long as they could. Soon the wisdom dawned upon them. No sporting icon can be bigger than their fans and cannot shut away sponsors for long. No brand can be bigger than their customers and is answerable to Government on their customers’ safety.

Feb 19^th was Tiger’s first media appearance with strings attached: No questions. He profusely apologized for his actions and is behavior but kept his private life still shrouded in mystery. But he made an announcement that the fans and sponsors were waiting to hear. He vowed to come to golf course where he belonged. Coincidently, on the same day Akio Toyoda agreed to appear before US congress to offer “sincere explanation” about the safety issues. This is their desperate attempt to restore the image for not only Toyota but Japan in general.

Toyota is still World’s number 1 car maker and Tiger is still world’s highest paid athlete. Toyota is still way beyond 2^nd and 3^rd car maker and Tiger’s gross earnings are more than the sum of earnings of next 4 athletes. They would work hard and come out of this crisis. Both of them would go back to their “dharma”, spend some time in spiritual introspection and regain their performance.

Public memory is short. Yet regaining their image, the charisma and the Midas touch would be a different ball game for both of them. They need to communicate their sincere apology for what has happened, not just to the public but to those who matter the most. In Tiger’s case, it is his wife and in case of Toyota it is millions of their loyal customers. This sincere apology won’t come from any PR efforts or nicely drafted apology note, it would come from their actions. Elin and Toyota customer’s would like to watch them for a few more years,  work on their shortcomings and overcome them before starting to trust them again. Elin and Loyal customers need to forgive them first before, general public puts them on the pedestal.

Tiger and Toyota, we are your fans!  We wish you the best of luck!! Elin and your customers are watching you!!!

“TOYOTA WAY” TO “TIGER WAY”

How long does it take for a person or a company to fall from Iconic, invincible, impregnable position to a bottomless pit? Well, ask Tiger Woods about it. Better still ask Toyota.

Tiger and Toyota had the iconic status in their own fields. In public eye they had a Midas Touch. They could do nothing wrong. What happened from Nov 2009 to Feb 2010 would enter history books as the most astonishing reversal of fortunes. There is something remarkably similar about both of them.

For starters, both of them rose to their iconic status riding on meticulous planning, strong performance and painstaking efforts. The world knows the rise of Tiger from the child prodigy to world's best paid and the most admired athlete. He started playing golf at the age of 2. At the age of 3, he shot a 48 over nine holes in California to the bewilderment of the onlookers and appeared in Golf digest at the age of 5. Golf digest estimates that Tiger would have made about $770 million by 2007 and by 2011 he would cross $1billion of earnings. Phenomenal feat by any standards!!! Toyota started off as an offshoot of Toyoda Loom Works way back in 1930s. The "Toyota Way" puts the customer first and advocates continuous improvement. The company believes in being closer to the customers and building cars that they need. They saw something in American customers' eyes in 1980s which the local companies failed to see and act on till turn of the century; compact, fuel efficient, reliable and affordable cars. From 1980s where it was selling just 6 models and had a market share of mere 6%, by 2008 Toyota became the largest car company in the world leaving GM behind by miles. Before the financial crisis hit the markets, Toyota was also the most profitable automotive company.

Both of them rose to their position in a remarkably understated fashion. Although, Tiger is considered the most gifted golfer of all times, "caution" forms the core of his game. Wikipedia writes about Tiger Woods "While Woods is considered one of the most charismatic figures in golfing history; his approach is, at its core, cautious. He aims for consistency. Although he is better than any other Tour player when he is in top form, his dominance comes not from regularly posting extremely low rounds, but instead from avoiding bad rounds. He plays fewer tournaments than most professionals (15–21 per year, compared to the typical 25–30), and focuses his efforts on preparing for (and peaking at) the majors and the most prestigious of the other tournaments. His manner off the course is cautious as well, as he carries himself in interviews and public appearances with a carefully controlled demeanor reminiscent of the corporate athlete persona developed between Nike and Michael Jordan.^[123]"

Toyota, too, has its own unique style of leading the market. There are no aggressive messages or path breaking styles or out of the world communication messages. The focus is on getting basic things right, understanding customer requirements, producing a product that they need, maintaining the quality, bringing in efficiency to keep the cost low. Simple! There is neither any eagerness to claim the market leader position nor they have any aggressive messages to the competitors. It is also rumored that Toyota could have easily become the no. 1 car maker in the world 1 year earlier (in 2007 against 2008). But they deliberately chose to sell slightly under GM to avoid backlash. Unusual for a leader!

It was this reluctance to claim the top position or showing caution when the victory is insight set these two apart from rest of the world. This added tremendously to their public image and perceptions. They always came across as mature, down to earth yet "gifted" and divine. Success did not get into their heads and they handled rough with the smooth, easily.

There was only one problem. Infidelity was brewing in the center, away from public eye and scrutiny. The relationship that Trust has with Marriage is the same relationship Safety has with Cars. You get only once chance. If broken, it does not exist anymore. What caused infidelity was not a casual affair was a systematic failure of the relationship.

Remarkably, both of them made PR blunders even after the problems were public. For a long time, they just avoided looking at the media in the eye and saying sorry. What the fans and customers heard looked like the tip of the iceberg and they wanted their heroes to come out clean on whatever they knew. Unfortunately, "caution" got in the way and both of them just eluded media scrutiny as long as they could. Soon the wisdom dawned upon them. No sporting icon can be bigger than their fans and cannot shut away sponsors for long. No brand can be bigger than their customers and is answerable to Government on their customers' safety.

Feb 19^th was Tiger's first media appearance with strings attached: No questions. He profusely apologized for his actions and is behavior but kept his private life still shrouded in mystery. But he made an announcement that the fans and sponsors were waiting to hear. He vowed to come to golf course where he belonged. Coincidently, on the same day Akio Toyoda agreed to appear before US congress to offer "sincere explanation" about the safety issues. This is their desperate attempt to restore the image for not only Toyota but Japan in general.

Toyota is still World's number 1 car maker and Tiger is still world's highest paid athlete. Toyota is still way beyond 2^nd and 3^rd car maker and Tiger's gross earnings are more than the sum of earnings of next 4 athletes. They would work hard and come out of this crisis. Both of them would go back to their "dharma", spend some time in spiritual introspection and regain their performance.

Public memory is short. Yet regaining their image, the charisma and the Midas touch would be a different ball game for both of them. They need to communicate their sincere apology for what has happened, not just to the public but to those who matter the most. In Tiger's case, it is his wife and in case of Toyota it is millions of their loyal customers. This sincere apology won't come from any PR efforts or nicely drafted apology note, it would come from their actions. Elin and Toyota customer's would like to watch them for a few more years, work on their shortcomings and overcome them before starting to trust them again. Elin and Loyal customers need to forgive them first before, general public puts them on the pedestal.

Tiger and Toyota, we are your fans! We wish you the best of luck!! Elin and your customers are watching you!!!